Hi ,
Take my short (& fun) Boundary Quiz below to better assess your current ability to set boundaries, and to know if joining my Boundary 101 Workshop on April 20th would be helpful!
Boundaries Quiz
Below are several common scenarios we all encounter in our personal and work lives. Please reflect on what is very like you, and be as honest as you can. This will benefit you (and our coaching) the most.
- You begin sharing your ideas, and a friend or co-worker frequently interrupts or talks over you, as you do. You typically:
a) Bite your tongue, and feel like your head may spin from frustration.
b) Start talking louder and faster (with a possible eye roll or two) to override them.
c) Let them respectfully know you weren’t finished talking, and would appreciate them waiting until you are done.
d) Complain to your family/partner, but say nothing to them.
- You’ve lent money to a friend or relative, and she hasn’t yet paid you back. It’s been over one month, and your understanding was that she would return it within 2 weeks. You typically:
a) Let it go (or ruminate on), and decide never to lend her money again.
b) When you visit with her again, you drop a hint about money, that you are feeling a bit financially stressed.
c) After 2 months, you are so upset, and it comes out in an angry outburst that she still owes you money. Perhaps calling her irresponsible as well 🙂
d) You kindly remind her that several weeks ago you lent her some money, and you would really appreciate it if she would return it within the next 2 days.
- Your close circle of friends and family members are very generous with giving you their unsolicited opinions about your life, your career, marriage, parenting etc. You find this very frustrating, and it affects your self-confidence. You typically:
a) Let them share their endless opinions, and try to ignore them or defensively respond. Perhaps you tell them their life isn’t perfect either!
b) You take out the voodoo dolls you have for each one of them, and every time they give you an opinion, you joyfully take a pin, and stick it in 😉
c) You start avoiding them, and try not to talk to them about anything important to you.
d) Inform them you appreciate their good intentions and effort to help. However, what would be most helpful is to ask you first if you would like some advice, before sharing it.
- You notice that there is more drama in your life than you would like because of certain friends, family members, co-workers or your clients. You typically:
a) Feel drained after these interactions, and begin worrying about when that next incident is going to happen.
b) You try to intervene and help them feel better, and see things from another perspective.
c) You start praying for an alien abduction on their drive home from work 🙂
d) Let them know that you care about them and would like to be supportive, however you realize you cannot be there for them as much as they need. Perhaps you share that talking with other friends or a therapist has been very helpful for you in the past, and recommend they consider it.
- Every time you take a weekend away or a vacation, clients, co-workers or your boss calls/texts or sends emails asking to address a situation that came up, or review something.
a) You do it, and feel resentful and distracted afterwards.
b) You don’t answer the call or email, but feel guilty or worried afterwards about not responding, and decide later to check-in.
c) You respond and let them know you are on vacation, and inform them either who they can contact in the interim, or when you will be resuming work.
- You carefully set aside time for you one evening for some self-care as it has been a challenging week. Just at the hour a friend/relative calls and starts talking about an issue she’s having. You typically:
a) Listen and try to be supportive and tell yourself you can do your self-care another day. Not a big deal.
b) Feel stressed and torn, but believe you should be there for her. You listen and feel yourself getting resentful and want to get off, but are afraid she would be hurt or angry if you did.
c) You kindly let her know that you were just about to take some time for your own self-care, and would be happy to call her later (at a better time for you) and talk more about her challenge then.
d) You pretend your phone is having problems, and you can no longer hear her, 🙂 or you ask someone at home to call you loudly so you can escape.
- If you don’t do exactly what your client (or co-worker) wants, he/she gets angry with you and threatens to take their business elsewhere, or not support/collaborate with you. You typically:
a) Appease them as you don’t like confrontations.
b) Share why you are recommending x, and that the conversation will need to end, until they can discuss the situation with you in a calm, respectful manner.
c) Try to reason with him/her and share your professional view. He/she heatedly disagrees and you end up doing what they want, feeling stressed and resentful afterwards.
SCORING
The following scoring system is to help you gain a better understanding of your current skill level in setting boundaries, which also requires the skill of assertive communication to do it well. Self-care is another key component of the ability to set good boundaries. Reflect on your score, and consider what 1-2 factors contribute to your present level (ease or challenge) in setting healthy boundaries. No judgment, just curiosity with our Selves.
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1.C 2.D 3.D 4.D 5.C 6.C 7.B
7/7: You are able to set boundaries well and consistently, and demonstrate strong assertive communication skills. Congratulations! There is skill and courage involved to do this well.
5-6/7: Overall, you set boundaries well and show moderate to strong assertive communication skills. You have important strengths you can use to continue to build the invaluable skill of boundary setting! There is some vulnerability (belief/emotion/other influence) that is limiting your ability, at times, to set a boundary when needed.
3-4/7: You show an ability to set healthy boundaries and communicate assertively, however it is not consistent. Your communication skills may fluctuate among passive, assertive and aggressive communication at times. There are several factors compromising your ability to set important boundaries for your Self when needed. This can lead to you feeling overwhelmed, not
able to prioritize your own needs/wants, or feeling taken advantage of or unappreciated. I recommend you invest in developing stronger boundary-setting and assertive communication skills. The rewards are life-changing. You will develop increased confidence in yourself and a greater sense of control in your life.
1-2/7: Your present skill level at setting healthy boundaries is low, likely compromised by what I like to call the “3 anti-boundary musketeers” of fear, guilt and self-doubt. No judgment. When these feelings arise in us, it can make it very challenging to set a boundary, even if we know it is important to do so. I highly recommend that you invest in your Self,
by developing the invaluable skill of boundary-setting and assertive communication.
If you scored 5 or below, I highly recommend joining me and a wonderful group of women on April 20th! You will leave the workshop with greater skill, confidence and determination to set healthy boundaries, and honor your Self.
Click below for workshop details and to register:
https://www.danagionta.com/boundaries-101-workshop.
*Recording available if you cannot attend
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