Hi ,

Throughout our lives, we will experience shifts in our friendships for many reasons – differing stages of life, relocation, academic or career demands, illness, etc.  These are normal developmental or life changes that often impact our relationships.  Most of us can understand friendshifts that might occur because of the above. What is more difficult, and often painful, is when shifts in our friendships happen from other factors. 

Some of these include the realization that the friendship is not reciprocal, that there is jealousy and our friend cannot be happy for us, or that our friend is unhappy in life (and unwilling to take any proactive steps), resulting in patterns of negativity and a victim mentality.  Sometimes it’s a behavior (i.e. how they deal with anger) or an inability to communicate in a respectful way about differences that contribute to a change of heart about the friendship. 

I was faced with this reality with a friendship that spanned over 30 years. I had considered this person a part of my family. She had become increasingly unhappy in her life after a series of difficulties and refused to get professional help. My friend had looked to me to be her therapist instead, which is not wise for any of us to do in our personal lives. After several unsuccessful attempts to set healthy and loving boundaries in this relationship, I realized that it could not continue. Letting go of a friendship that is no longer healthy and positive for us takes courage. There was grief for awhile, with eventual relief, acceptance, and peace. 

Navigating the Shifts:

Consider if there is a friendship in your life that feels unsupportive and draining. Perhaps it’s a mix of both, with laughter and comfort interspersed with negativity and imbalance. Bring increased attention to your interactions over the next month, noticing how you feel when together, and upon leaving.  If you often feel drained or like you’re on a roller coaster ride, strongly consider taking a step back and giving your Self some space. This will allow a clearer perspective to inform your next steps. 

If you have a friendship that is currently shifting, and find it confusing, stressful or painful – know that you are not alone.  This is a life experience many others share.  Experiment with what feels helpful in processing this shift. Some ideas include journaling, sharing with another close friend, directly communicating with this friend about your feelings, being in nature, starting therapy, or even attending therapy together to better address the issues.😀

This week, reflect on your closest circle of friends. Identify which friendships feel good, supportive and healthy. Notice your energy when you're together, and what positive qualities they bring out in you. This is a wonderful gift. Then consider sharing with them how much you love and appreciate them, and what the friendship means to you. Just imagine the positive friendshifts such open-hearted expressions will create over time.

**Email me at dr.gionta@gmail.com, if you would like to set up a free coaching session and learn how I can support you in navigating any friendshifts for greater peace and happiness. 

Tune into my podcast “Living a Vibrant & Empowered Life” here: https://drdanagionta.podbean.com/

Cheers!
Dr. Dana