Hi ,   

As humans, we are born with an inherent tendency to find meaning in almost everything. Many times, creating meaning is nourishing, inspiring, and enhances our wellbeing. It also can deepen our sense of purpose. Finding meaning is especially valuable when something disappointing or tragic happens in our lives. At times, however, this tendency is turned towards situations and moments where it may not be positive for us. 

The holiday season is filled with such potential mean-making moments. For example, you don’t receive a card from a close friend this year; a co-worker declines your holiday party invite; a relative doesn’t bring a gift (or any food) to your holiday event; or you step on the scale and you’re up 2 pounds. The horror! With such experiences, we almost immediately begin our meaning-making stories. We may think, “Perhaps Sylvie is upset with me, that’s why she didn’t send me a card this year. I can’t believe she just would forget.”  “Aunt Alfreda always brings a delicious baked dish. She must not be feeling well if she decided not to cook. Hope it’s not something serious.” And here’s another, “Oh no, I gained 2 pounds.  So discouraging! I’ve worked so hard for the past month. It’s not working.” 

The meanings ascribed in the examples above can result in us feeling hurt or worried about something that may be real only in our imaginations. We are storytelling a reality that often doesn’t feel good. And now imagine – since we’re on a roll – if we do this 25, 50, or 100 times a day to our Selves. Incredible!

Instead, what if we just observe what is happening as is, and make a mental note without attributing any specific meaning. So, for example, “Friendnomore;) didn’t send a card this year.” “Aunt Alfreda didn't bring one of her delicious dishes this time,” and “My weight increased 2 pounds.” Pause. This is what we know and can observe. How does that feel? Likely quite different – and I’m betting much better. There’s no hurt, discouragement, or worry as a result! How wonderful😀 So give your Self (and others) this gift over the holidays.

Often we make it about us, when in general, it’s more about the other person. Over time, if we see a pattern, then it’s helpful to consider possible meanings, and check which meaning is accurate by having a conversation with the person.

This week, notice how creative you are in your storytelling about experiences and interactions that arise. Observe how often you do this, and how you typically feel afterwards. Have some fun and see how crafty others are in their storytelling too. Then, if you're up for a challenge, experiment and see if you can go one hour without any meaning-making. Perhaps the hour of your holiday dinner party. Do you dare? 😀

Wishing you all a happy, healthy and peaceful holiday!

Dr. Dana